nothing

smeared. black. ink.

2005-06-11T03:26:56Z

gone.

it was almost too bright to see.

2005-04-20T00:25:13Z

let's make a movie, you and i. where the world is perfect. but not fake.
where we can smile and laugh, and roll around in the grass.
with no one to tell us it's impossible, no one to tell us we have to face the facts.
because it is possible, these are our facts.
were out to conquer the world,
out to show there's something worth living for.

we'll open our film, with a bright sunny day.
the kind that puts the sad in good moods, that never fails to give a smile.
we'll tell our story in this kind of setting
no special effects, no lighting, no tech.
just us, the sun, the grounds or laughter, the sounds.
no one can tell us we were dreaming/
we are the witnesses, we captured this on film

cheers. my friend.
to the proof we have, that every now and then the world proves to be worthy.
the cynics, they'll see how lovely everything is supposed to be
the critics will give us more stars than allowed
and we'll sip and smile, all the while
knowing we've brought them something, wonderful to be found.

starring you.
the sweet, caring, handsome (goofball), one.
the guy they all want, who is only true to one girl.
the type, they always assume must be taken, or maybe gay.
the wonderfully romantic
the never-too-cheesy
one who, stole my heart away.

co-starring me.
the girl, who you had swept off her feet.
who you never fail to keep smiling
who even when things got tough
she never gave up.
she never gave in.
because she knew in her heart,
everything would be wonderful in the end.

we'll serve a wonderful meal.
of deli sandwiches
strawberries, melons
cantalope
and apple pie.
(some other things, we won't eat.)
maybe it isnt gourmet
but then this wouldnt be so real.
we'll sprawl it out on the green
over the paisley
and enjoy the extras in our movie
there's to be seen.

the wise old man.
who never fails to give you some advice
that makes no sense at the time.
but you know you'll use
sometime, very soon.

the classic charecter.
the one who holds it all together.
who is everyones loveable one.
but no one really pays much attention to.
but they don't mind.
they got the most lines.

and the cute on.
who every one ooohs and aawws over
that makes us all smile
the mischievous one
you cant manage to punish
because they are just
too. effing. adorable.

there'll be beauty in this movie
in places we never expected to find
where things sparkle
and shine.
with no special effects
and no sequins
just the sun, the water
and our camera, to prove these things can happen.

there will be an ounce of sadness
to show we are still deep with thought
but we're just having one amazing day
we can prove to the world
that even when everything seems so lost
we'll always have eachother to be found.

thank you.
I couldn't have done it without you.
this perfect vision
we made a reality.
you picked the spot
you had the food.
i did the filming
but you made it amazing.
that's all we need to say.
let the credits roll.

(me and john had a picnic today. it was absolutely amazingly wondefully spectacularly perfect)

and i cant accept because i am uptight

2005-01-04T01:32:57Z

-bad mood today, in school
-after school watched the hound rehearsal, hung out with them, felt better.
-craig drove me, laurie, the macphails, albie and nick home
-after macs and albie left me, craig, nick and laurie got pizza
-dropped off nick, dropped off laurie, i went to my nanas.
-hung out with michasma for about an hour
-then they left for the airport =(

-now i'm here and feel like crying-

stole this from tracy.

01. what did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
earned a black belt, went on a class trip, made friends with people in a different town and NOT through karate

02. did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make one?
i always forget those

03. did anyone close to you give birth?
marjie had blue. stacy (not that close) had kieyeletkdjghadfklghdfjlb i dont know how to spell it.

04. did anyone close to you die?
my great uncle bob, not that close though.

05. what countries did you visit?
none.

06. what would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
knowing who i can rely on and having it stick around.

07. what date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
december 4th, earned my black belt. november 17th started what may be the first real relationship of my life. and june 8th the no doubt concert!!!!!!

08. what was your biggest achievement of the year?
black belt

09. what was your biggest failure?
losing some of the best friends i ever had.

10. did you suffer illness or injury?
i got sick and hurt, but nothing awful

11. what was the best thing you bought?
no clue, i'm not really into material stuff.

12. whose behavior merited celebration?
carolyn, dinah, nick, katie, allie...uuum i guess?

13. whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my own, bettys and my fathers.

14. where did most of your money go?
food and music.

15. what did you get really, really, really excited about?
no doubt concert, dc trip, black belt graduation.

16. what song will always remind you of 2004?
"new friend" and "beauty contest" -no doubt

17. compared to this time last year, are you: better off, still not content or close to being happy?
this time last year i was lonely, because i had no what i considered true friends, except for one but it was hard to talk to her and i had lost the best friend i ever had...now i have many true friends, but i don't think they think of me that way, i have my best friend back as my boyfriend, feel i have lost the one exception friend from last year, but have made many many friends...all in all. i'm still lonely.

18. what do you wish you'd done more of?
going for things.

19. what do you wish you'd done less of?
dwelling so much.

20. how will you be spending christmas?
i spent it eating supper with my johns family and then going to my familys for desert and a bit of online talking to my friends.

21. how will you be spending new years?
at nicks kick arse party, even though i was really invited to mollys.

22. did you fall in love in 2004?
no.

23. best memory of 2004?
looking at the stars with john, meeting heather in person, tia/tracy sleepovers, dc, black belt test (yes the test not the graduation), and the talks i had with carolyn.

24. what was your favorite tv program?
friends, aqua teen, 2 and a half men

25. do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no, i really dont hate anyone.

26. what was the best book you read?
"the perks of being a wallflower" or "eating the chesire cat"

27. what was your greatest musical discovery?
the killers.

28. what did you want and get?
an oingo boingo cd.

29. favorite album of the year?
boingo-oingo boingo and mainly mixes.

30. what was your favorite film of this year?
lemony snicket.

31. what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
fifteen, i hun gout with mia, tony, corey and paul, ate cake and opened presents with my family. and cried because the one person i wanted to remember, didn't.

32. what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
i thought i knew...

33. how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
umm...hand me downs are us?

34. what kept you sane?
carolyn

35. which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
never really did

36. what political issue stirred you the most?
gay marriage.

37. who did you miss?
the friends, who are still here but just not there anymore...

38. who was the best and worst new person you met?
no one really.

39. tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004?
don't expect good things to last.

40. quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"And I’ve fallen, I can’t help myself
I’m feeling envious of all the rest
You’re bringing out the lemming in me
A victim of the cattle call disease
Not easy to be me"
-at least my 2004

the real inspector hound
friday january 7th, 2005
$4 at the door

((go see it, it kicks arse!!!!))

ever think that someone doesn't want to talk to you, simply because they don't want to talk to anyone about it, only to find, they damn well wanted to...just not to you? i sure as fuck have

admission so embarrassing, i'm on the verge of tears again.

2005-01-02T18:46:34Z

you know that sick to your stomach, lump in throat, want to scream, almost on the verge of tears, but not enough to cry just enough to hate it feeling?

thats how i feel right now, its how i've felt these past few days.
make it go the fuck away

all with a nice topping of PISSED OFF FOR NO REASON. (again)

yippy.

i finally found Harvey Danger's "where have all the merrymakers gone". YAY!!!! THE 5 LONG YEAR SEARCH IS OVER!!!!! (and now grant, you dont have to burn me it.)

thats a fact jack!

2004-12-09T02:47:21Z

Today, was...terrible. but i did go to karate, i missed it.

001.name: Caitlyn, Caity, Cait, Caityl, Green-ChristmasTree-Popsicle, Sexy, Doofus Head and Caitygirl
002.D.O.B.: 7/13/89
003.location: sleepingcar
004.religion: not sure, protestant
005.occupation: current student, future actress or poet/writer

APPEARANCE
001.hair: some crazy miz of green/red/black/brown-blonde
002.eyes: blue-gray-green-purple-black-teal depends on what i wear/lighting in the room.
003.height: 5'2" and a half

STYLE
001.brands: hand me downs baby!
002.music: rock, ska, emo, and some techno =P
003.make up: eyeliner, mascara, occasional eyeshadow

RIGHT NOW
001.wearing: dark green mt. rushmore shirt, karate pants, socks and chucks
002.listening to: TV. not sure...
003.thinking of: how much of a screw up i am.

LAST THING YOU...
001.bought: a cookie
002.ate, drank: water
003.read: eating the chesire cat
004.watched on tv: whatever i'm watching now

EITHER / OR
001.club or house party: house, i've never been to a club
002.tea or coffee: tea, herbal
003.achiever or slacker: achiever, but i slack occasionally
004.beer or cider: cider
005.drinks or shots: virgin drinks
006.cats or dogs: dogs
007.single or taken: o.O
008.pen or pencil: pen
009.gloves or mittens: gloves
010.food or candy: candy
011.cassette or cd: cd
012.coke or pepsi: COKE
013.hard or mild alcohol: neither!
014.matches or a lighter: matches, i love the smell
015.sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful: sunset beach...?
016.Rickie Lake or Oprah Winfrey: oprah

WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
001.kill: hmm couldnt say
002.hear from: john, i'm waiting for him to call and betty, i miss her.
003.get really wasted with: no one
004.look like: a combination of different people
005.be like: same as 4
006.avoid: uum?

LAST PERSON YOU...AND WHEN?
001.touched: whoever was last in the high 5 line at karate
002.talked to: dinah
003.hugged: john
004.instant messaged: emily s.
005.kissed: :)
006.who broke your heart: its so weird to say it, but john...

WHERE DO YOU
001.eat: home, school, mcd's, mall
002.dance: ABDC, at karate, wherever theres music
003.cry: my bed
004.wish you were: alone, so i could think...

HAVE YOU EVER...
001.Dated one of your best friends? yes!
002.Loved somebody so much it made you cry?: have you ever needed someone so bad you cant sleep at night? *brandy song* haha, but...no actually
003.Drank alcohol? nope
004.Done drugs? nope
005.Broken the law? nope, unless stealing that wenching hat counts
006.Ran away from home? yes, haha when i was 7
007.Broken a bone? no
008.Cheated on a test? yeah
009.Skinny dipped? nope
010.Played Truth Or Dare? yes
011.Flashed someone? nope
012.Mooned Someone? nope
013.Kissed someone you didn't know?: yes *cough*warren*cough*
014.Been on a talk show/game show?: no
015.Been in a fight? yes, weekly ;)
016.Ridden in a fire truck? yes. fun stuff
017.Been on a plane? yes
018.Come close to dying? nope
019.Cheated on your Boy/Girlfriend? no
020.Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? yes
021.Eaten a worm/mud pie? nopers
022.Swam in the ocean? yes
023.Had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up? yes

WHAT IS...
001.The most embarrassing CD in your collection? it used to be avril, but i uh snapped it in half
002.Your bedroom like? messy
003.Your favorite thing for breakfast? french toast
004.Your favorite thing for lunch? take out
005.Your favorite thing for dinner? hmmm i like lots
006.Your favorite Restaurant? bugaboos?

ARE YOU...
001.A Vegetarian: no
002.A Good Student?: fairly
003.Good At Sports?: no, cept karate/dance
004.wakeboarding/snowboarding:no
005.A Good Singer?: nope
006.A good Actor/Actress?: maybe? i hope so..
007.A deep sleeper?: somewhat
008.A Good Dancer?: i can bust a move...but i'm not great
009.Shy?: when i first meet you, YES. later NO WAY
010.Outgoing?: kinda
011.A good storyteller?: i can tell other peoples stories. but not my own

the end.

do me a favor and let me know, cause its hard to tell.

2004-12-08T01:05:56Z

i feel so childish some times. like i catch myself, in a really immature thing or something i'm saying...and i just feel this whole wave of regret. and at the same time, i don't like to say that. that i don't want to be childish anymore. because, i really am gonna miss being that oblivious to the world.

but its time for me to move on, its been time for a while now. and i'm not sure where any of this is going, its very confusing, all of it. but i guess for the first time, i really just want to: grow. up.

so today, was today. i felt pretty unwanted for a chunk of it, then that feeling dissappeared entirely. haha, that probably made like no sense whatsoever to any of you.

lately, i find myself getting jealous, like really jealous. i hate it. and half the reason i am jealous is cause i have no self-esteem so i just automatically assume the worst. i guess its natural for me to feel this way...? but no, no its not. i shouldn't, not anyone else, just me. i should just accept that i cant have things all to myself anymore.

it'd be so easy, for me to lose everything. from someone elses temptation to try something new. to move on from me, who doesn't deserve any of it. when they could have so much more, and you know they'd take it, you can't help but feel this way.

...i guess?...

would it mean anything to you, if i said you we're everything to me?

2004-12-07T01:57:47Z

i forgot to put anything about wenching at the madrigal dinners. basically, did that friday/saturday night (so sat. i was wicked sore). it was tons of fun and went to the cast party, cause they over supplied on pizzas.

"it was a simple matter of physics and some biology...but no chemistry i swear!"
"bulimic tick!"
"and to top it all off, there was polka!"

*is still wicked sore..ow...ow...ow*

today, was just weird, altogether really weird. i really cant say why...cause it's not really anyones business. but i dont know, i feel so helpless and useless in these kinds of situations. i never have anything useful to say and i'm pretty sure i'm just letting everyone down.

*hugs*

I AM A BLACK BELT BABY!!!!!!!! YESSSAAAHH!!!!!!!

2004-12-04T21:53:27Z

OH MY GOD! I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!

you have no idea how fucking pumped and happy i am right now! (or how much pain i'm in, unless of course you just tested with me)

-250 push ups
-250 sit ups
-20 rounds (?)
-1500 kicks
-5 mile run
-technigues
-forms
-some amount of time in a horse stance.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!

Creative Form

2004-12-03T19:45:26Z

Start facing north/12:00. Attention stance, bow, salutation, attention stance, bow. Step left foot back in neutral stance. Do a downward block with the right hand, punch with the left hand. Perry with the right hand, palm heel with the left. Do a downward block with the right hand, punch with the left hand. Ax kick, with left leg, land in highblock/lowblock stance, still facing north/12:00. Spiraling twigs, shoulder roll towards southwest/7:30. Jump/spin chicken round kick, towards northeast/1:30. Land in right neutral stance facing North/12:00. Triggered salute, right leg front kick, right leg side kick, right leg round kick. Locked wing, right leg front kick towards southwest/7:30, right leg back kick towards northeast/10:30. Right leg crossover hook kick towards northeast/7:30. Land in left neutral stance. Five swords towards north/12:00. Horse stance towards north/12:00, scraping hoofs, split kick. Escape from danger. Kneel on left knee, left knife hand, right palm heel. Right leg chicken front kick. Pinning wing. High block sidekick left, high block side kick right. Grip of death, foward roll south/6:00. Split kick, right leg spinning side kick, land north/12:00. Sword of destruction, right leg hurricane kick, right hand hammer, right hand whip, left hand through punch. Attention stance, salutation, bow.

any karate people who might read this. PLEASE tell me whether or not thats right.

aren't you glad we got smart bombs?

2004-12-03T00:01:14Z

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY MASON!!!!!!!!!

yes, thats right...my wonderfulest Mason is 5 today. I miss him mucho!

today was alright, drama was fun...did my monalouge again and i think i did ALOT better than last time.

then i stayed after, worked on my creative form...which SUCKS. and it needs to be longer, ugh! i still gotta type that up...fuck. *feels the stress settling in*

well, i'm off to do my physics paper. yay.

Your Boobies' Names Are: Betty and Veronica

Get your own Boobie Names

caaiiieeeeeeety urrruuuQUAhart

2004-12-01T23:40:50Z

dude. i won "student of the month". thats gotta be the most amusing thing...ever.
hahahaha, how i ever managed to pull that one off, i will never know. but it was worth it just to hear grant completely butcher my name on the announcements, haha. HIGH 5 GRANT!

anywho, today i hung out with john, ryan, steph, tony and ethan at johns house. it was pretty fun, we all had peanut butter and fluff or fluff and toast or something like that since that was pretty much all they had to eat =P

i finished my creative form, i think its pretty cool, even if its like almost ALL kicks. but i have 9 techniques in there, and i only need 8 so yay! now all theres left to do is pray i dont die on saturday.

if you can wench for madrical, friday or saturday, they need a couple more people for each night.
you know you want to...come on...you know you want to. GIVE INTO THE WENCHING PEER PRESSURE!!! GIVE IN!

uum, there isnt much more to update about...but i found this to be about the sketchiest survey result.

Your College Life by highfivejunkie

Username

What will you study?

Your Roomate

shakeyourspear

The Football Player

torinmajeh

The Cheerleader

bloody_faith

The Band Geek

findyourpulse

Highly involved in their Frat/Sorority

olgy

The Crazy Drunk

and_sign_it__

The College Slut

candykisses02

Your Significant Other

cockaboody

The Creep that sneaks into girl's showers

xgrn_flee_dayo

Likeliness you'll graduate: 69%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

my roomate is an intolerant person, in reality, i would kill them
the football player=grant...WOW
lizzy+cheerleading=whaaa?
haha, Olgo in a soroity, hahaha...sorry just cant see it.
Chris is the crazy drunk, i must say there is a shitload of irony in that
hmmm...olivias the college slut? hehe
I'M MARRIED TO MY OWN SISTER!!! (damn mass sure is getting rednecked)
Flee already does that ;)

welcome to a new kind of tension

2004-11-29T21:47:32Z

i am one stressed out little girl.

being the absolute moron i am, i thought my black belt test was on the december 18th, but NO thats our graduation. The test is actually december 4th as in THIS SATURDAY. and i still need to make up the rest of my creative form, i havent trained like at all. And i need to figure out my costume peasanty thingy for the madrigal dinner, I've got an 8 page civ paper due in 2 weeks i have barely started on and cant for the life of me figure out a thesis statement on. and a shitload of other homework on top of all that. and i am having a freaking huge amount of trouble appreciating what i have...you dont get that, but whatever.

yeah, i definitely had my first ever panick attack today in drama...i never knew what those felt like until today. haha, dinah and laurie had to like sit with me out in the hallway until i calmed down.

I think I'm gonna cry.

[x] whats your name? Caitlyn, caity, caitygirl, green, bangs?, panic attack girl? (haha laurie), doofus, sexy, indirectah?, magical cherry.
[x] sex? female...and all the time baby!
[x] how old? halfway to 30
[x] siblings? i have one of them yes.
[x] their ages: 17
[x] female or male: female diggin female
[x] birthday: july 13th, same as harrison ford, marz, the mowry twins and mike g's little bro
[x] natiOnality: scottish, irish, italian, canadian, french, polish, dutch, spanish(?), native american and more
[x] Birthplace: emerson hospital
[x] Current [[currently in]]: my parents room
[x] Eye Color: blue-gray-purple-green-teal-black, uum depends on what i'm wearing
[x] Hair Color: brown-blonde/redishgreensihblondish/black
[x] Righty or Lefty: righty
[x] Zodiac Sign: the crabby disease
[x] Innie or Outtie: innie

[[-----------------DESCRIBE------------------]]
[x] The shoes you wore today: chuckooos
[x] your eyes: cool colorwise, kinda dull otherwise
[x] Your fears: death of others, things changing

[[-----------------WHAT IS------------------]]
[x] Your most overused phrase on aim: "whats up" ?
[x] Your thoughts when you first wake up: "i'm going back to sleep"
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: height...odd i know
[x] Your best physical feature: wrong person to ask
[x] Your bedtime: 10 schoolnights, whenever others.
[x] Your most missed memory: couldnt say

[[-----------------YOU PREFER------------------]]
[x] Pepsi or coke: coke! (yeah steph!)
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds baby!
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: coffee

[[-----------------DO YOU------------------]]
[x] Smoke: no way jose
[x] Cuss: fuck yeah!
[x] Take a shower everyday: yes i do.
[x] Have a crush(es): could you call it that?
[x] Who are they: *zips her lip*
[x] Do you think you've been in love?: i'd have to figure out what the hell love is
[x] Want to go to college: yes i do, i plan to have a life.
[x] Want to get married: petrified to, but yes
[x] Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: not really but i dont type with like just one finger either
[x] Believe in yourself: no.not really anyway
[x] Get motion sickness: cant say i do
[x] Think you're attractive: yeah...right. *rolls eyes*
[x] Think you're a health freak: no, but not junky either
[x] Get along with your parents: sometimes my mom. my dad um...
[x] Like thunderstorms: yeah!
[x] Play an instrument: not at all

[[------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID:/:HAVE YOU--------------]]
[x] Gone to the mall: yes
[x] Eaten sushi: yes
[x] Been on stage: tournament of plays baby!!!
[x] Been dumped: no
[x] Gone skating: no
[x] Made homemade cookies: no
[x] Been in love: no
[x] Dyed your hair: yeppers
[x] Stolen anything: sips of peoples soda!

[[-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------]]
[x] Flown on a plane: yes
[x] Missed school because it was raining?: psh, i wish.
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: yeah
[x] Cried during a Movie?: yeah...i'm a sap
[x] Ever thought an animated character was hot?: haha yeah.
[x] Cut your hair: yeah...haha
[x] Had crush on a teacher?: no, thats kinda gross.
[x] Played a game that required removal of clothing?: no, sounds like fun though (haha flee)
[x] Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no
[x] Been caught "doing something": no
[x] Been called a tease: no
[x] Gotten beaten up ?: yes weekly actually

[[-----------------------OPPOSITE SEX--------------------------]]
[x] notice first? height
[x] have a BF/GF? not at the moment
[x] wut u into?? english translation please?
[x] any specific kind of guy/girl you into? i don't know, i guess
[x] feelin anyone? say what now?
[x] been rejected? um no actually...well not technically
[x] ever rejected sumone? yeah
[x] broken someones heart? i think..sorry
[x] ever been heart broken? yeah
[x] if so how many times? once or twice
[x] how many ppl of the opposite sex is in your buddy list on AIM right now? yeah, not gonna go count
[x] been kissed recently?? :)
[x] from who? *.*.*.*
[x] Best eye color: i dont know really
[x] Best hair color: anything
[x] Best height: either the same height as me or taller

[[-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------]]
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: 2, well really trust
[x] Number of CDs that I own: 67 i think
[x] Number of piercings: 2, one on each ear
[x] Number of tattoos: 0
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: dont know
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: alot

[[----------------FAVORITES------------------]]
[x] Shampoo: pert plus? haha carolyn
[x] Fav Color(s): dark purple
[x] Day/Night: night
[x] Summer/Winter: summer for my birthday!
[x] Lace or Satin: satin
[x] Fave Cartoon Character: the teenage mutant ninja clergy, err i mean turtles...
[x] Fave Food: quesidillas!
[x] Fave Movies: NmBC, braveheart
[x] Fave sport: kah-rah-tay!

[[------------------RIGHT NOW------------------]]
[x] Drinking: nothing
[x] Thinking about: tooooo much!
[x] Listening to: green day

: [[---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------]]
[x] Cried: no
[x] Worn jeans: no
[x] Met someone new online: no
[x] Done laundry: no
[x] Drove a car: no
[x] Talked on the phone: no

[[-------------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ ]]
[x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: *
[x] Do you like anyone?: indeed
[x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: carolyn
[x] Who have you known the longest of your closest friends?: laurie
[x] Are you close to any family member?: yeah, lots, mainly betty
[x] Who do you hang around the most?: john and co.
[x] When have you cried the most: when i was a youngen
[x] What's the best feeling in the world? happiness
[x] Worst Feeling?: shame

[[--------------------OTHERS--------------------]]
[x] ever fallen for a friend? cant deny
[x] ever dated someone out of your school? nope
[x] whats your fav. music video?: couldnt say
[x] you are___? listening to green day
[x] you know anyone that is feeling you right now?? i do indeed

[[----------------RANDOMNESS-------------------]]
[x] i love to____with people? fuck, ;)
[x] what are the last 4 digits of yur phone #? 0d1d
[x] what was the last thing you ate? scrambled eggs w/cheese
[x] the last person u talked on the phone with? john
[x] favorite drink? dr. pepper
[x] the last movie that you saw? christmas with the kranks
[x] hugs or kisses? both
[x] what book are u readin? nothing
[x] the loudest person you know: john...haha
[x] best friends: john and carolyn

halfway around the world

2004-11-27T21:34:36Z

big news folks!

I AM GOING TO SINGAPORE!!! thats right from june 29th-july 16th i will be on the other side of the world! i am sooooo excited! (and of course a little sad, for i will miss you all).

thanksgiving was wicked fun, as usual. ate tons. yeah not too much to say about it. and i got to talk to mike on the phone so that was awesome.

last night carolyn slept over, first we went to the mall then to the movies and saw the kranks, pretty good but not awesome. the ending was really sweet.

i feel like i wanna write a poem, but nothings coming to me. eh, your probably all sick of reading my stuff anyways. haha. well if anything pops up. i'll probably edit this entry and stick that in there.

i wish i could be a better sister...

i know, i know i have these survey things way too much. but this ones new and i like seeing peoples answers.

01. Who are you, what's our relationship:
02. How and where did we meet:
03. What's my middle name:
04. How long have you known me:
05. Tell me one good thing about myself:
06. When you first saw me, what was your impression:
07. My age:
08. Birthday:
09. My favorite band at the moment:
10. Color eyes:
11. Do I have any siblings:
12. Have you ever had a crush on me:
13. What's one of my favorite things to do:
14. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you:
15. Describe me in 3 words:
16. Name 5 things I love:
17. Do you think i'm good looking:
18. How would you describe me to someone:
19. Would you ever date me:
20. Tell me one thing you've always wanted to say but never did:
21. What do you like most about me:
22. If we could spend a day together, what would we do:
23. Have we ever gotten in a fight:
24. Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
26. What do you think my weakness is:
27. Do you think i'll get married:
28. What makes me happy:
29. What makes me sad:
30. What reminds you of me:
31. If you could give me anything, what would it be:
32. When's the last time you saw me:
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stonger/weaker or staying the same:
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen:
35. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you:
36. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why:
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me:
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be:
39. Would you make a move on me:
40. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day:

then i can stop thinking and finally be

2004-11-22T22:11:47Z

today. performed my monalouge in drama. but chino wasnt there. so i'll hopefully get to perform it again. i did okay. not awesome, not terrible but okay. uum then after school, hung out at johns, had an ortho appointment and got some McDonalds.

yeah, thats about it.

i'm far too dependent.

i'm realizing this more than ever now. i need people. too much. i want some sort of feeling of independence. not to be like a "loner" or anything so dumb. but seriously, when i'm pulled from my friends. and cant be with them/talk to them. i go crazy. to the point where i'm really bitchy/snappy/on the verge of tears. its weird, weird as hell. i dont know if everyone feels like this or not. but i hate it. cause itd be nice to just be able to have some "me" time and enjoy it. but i really dont know how. its pretty fucking annoying.

and not to say i don't adore my friends. i love hanging out with them as much as i do. but i need to learn to deal with when i have to go home. you should see me here. i'm such a bitch. cause i cant stand being by myself. i hate it. but i dont wanna hate it.

all of this makes me really fucking angry

no one cares when you live a life so hollow

2004-11-22T01:59:26Z

today. in a nut shell:
-woke up, got dunkin donuts
-called john, see if i could hang out
-he came and pegged me over
-went to kens, me, john, ryan and ethan
-met up with josh/then pat
-went back to johns
-ethan/pat/josh were all gone by like 5(?)
-watched movies
-steph came!
-had to go home. (7:15)

I've been thinking about things lately. And before i begin, let me admit, i was/am this exact same way. so i am in no way, making fun or saying your a bad person.

To all us "angsty" kids. isn't bout time we shut up? seriously. we bitch and bitch and bitch about our situations. how we wish we had self-esteem or how "just once" we could be the girl/boy of someones dreams. how we're seeking happiness and things we just cant seem to find. metaphor upon metaphor of our sad lives. but we never really do anything about it. why dont we just learn to accept ourselves? appearance and personality. or stop complaining that we're not with someone, cause guess what? alot of people arent with anyone either. i know being single does suck. but why dwell on what you dont currently have? think about the people who love you, friends, family, etc. and you know why we cant find happiness? were not really looking, were far too busy venting to everyone that we lost it, or crying on someones shoulder. then we never really stop to think if that person is sad too. the more i think about it, the more i think, maybe if we just sucked it up, and kept it sort of to ourselfs, and vented only on occasion, the way everyone else does. since this constant venting to everyone and livejournal, obviously doesnt help. it might not feel so bad.
then, at the same time. i know it just doesnt work that way. cause i'm that way, as i said before. and right now, things are fucking awesome for me. so its like, my mind has erased the memory of that feeling, that feeling where i was extremely sad. and i think, its vise-versa. when i was sad, so sad like that. i was probably happy before. or at least okay. but i couldnt remember, cause i just focused on how sad i was.
in the long run, i honestly dont know how to say what i mean. so this whole thing was pretty pointless. but journal after poem after conversation later, i noticed. how much our "teenage angst" is our own fault. and the solution could be right there, but we seem to refuse to find it.

dude, me and carolyn are hanging out friday! i am oh so very excited, cause its been far too long since we've hung out. and even if i dont see her too much, she's my best friend! ♥

*hugs*

What an amazing time

2004-11-20T19:30:10Z

Tournament of plays, went extremely well. with the exception of us having no sound effects. but thriller was awesome and it all came out wonderfully. The juniors won the masks, the freshman won some class awards. it was all very cool.

"Go get neutered!"
"Did you just say cheez it?"
"I like fish. They're quiet. Unlike you"
"Booya Grandma!"

i really do love acting.

then after tournament, steph wanted me to sleepover, so i got the okay from my mom and went over there. and it was cold, since i had left my sweatshirt in sra. barnetts room so i was on the back of johns bike, going home and we were both freeeeeezing.

steph went to bed earlier, and ryan couldnt stay over. so i ended up watching tv with john for most of the night. we watched some funny stuff.

i guess, here it seems dull. but it was honestly one of the best nights of my life.

its all so very perfect

me too.

2004-11-19T02:48:40Z

TOMORROW IS TOURNAMENT OF PLAYS!!!!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO COME!!!!!!

ITS GONNA BE ONE KICKASS SHOW!!!!!

GO FRESHMAN!!!!!!!!

alright, i also managed to type up "vincent" by tim burton. i think i didnt get it completely right though. ((Talia, feel free to correct me))

Vincent Malloy is seven years old
He’s always polite and does what he’s told
For a boy his age he’s a considerate a nice
But he wants to be just like Vincent Price
He doesn’t mind living with his sister dogs and cats
Though he’d rather share a home with spiders and bats
There he could reflect on the horrors he’s invented
And wander dark hallways alone and tormented
Vincent is nice when his aunt comes to see him
But imagines dipping her in wax for his wax museum
He likes to experiment on his dog Abercrombie
In the hopes of creating a horrible zombie
So he and his horrible zombie dog
Could go searching for victims in the London fog
His thoughts are not only of ghoulish pride
He likes to paint and read to pass some of the time
While other kids read books like Go-Jane-Go
Vincent’s favorite author is Edgar Allen Poe
One night while reading a gruesome tale
He read a passage that made him turn pale
Such horrible news he could not survive
For his beautiful wife had been buried alive
He dug out her grave to make sure she was dead
Unaware that his grave was his mothers flower bed
His mother sent Vincent off to his room
He knew he’d been banished to the tower of doom
Where he was sentenced to spend the rest of his life
Alone with the portrait of his beautiful wife
I’m alone and insane incased in his doom
Vincent’s mother burst suddenly into the room
She said if you want to you can go out and play
It’s sunny outside and a beautiful day
Vincent tried to talk but he just couldn’t speak
The years of isolation had made him quite weak
So he took out some paper and scrawled with a pen
I am possessed by this house and can never leave it again
His mother said you are not possessed and you are not almost dead
These games you play are all in your head
You’re not Vincent Price your Vincent Malloy
You’re not tormented or insane you’re just a young boy
You’re seven years old and you are my son
Now I want you to go outside and have some real fun
Her anger now Spence she walked out through the hall
While Vincent backed slowly against the wall
The room started to sway to shiver and creek
His horrid insanity had reached its peak
He saw Abercrombie his zombie slave
And heard his wife call from beyond the grave
She spoke from her coffin and made ghoulish demands
And through cracking walls reached skeleton hands
Every horror in his life that had crept through his dreams
Swept his mad laughter to terrified screams
To escape the madness he reached for the door
But fell limp and lifeless down on the floor
His voice was soft and very slow
As he quoted The Raven from Edgar Allen Poe
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted nevermore

i cant stop smiling

whatever just as long as i dont feel

2004-11-16T00:26:06Z

he hits you
hard, fast, powerful
and i dont scream for help
you fall to the floor
smash, break, pain
and i just sit here watching
you're being attacked
kicked, hair-pulled, punched
and i practically cheer him on
you look up into my eyes
begging, pleading, scared
and i don't even blink
your going through hell
fire, burn, die
and i don't get you out
things are getting confusing
this way, that way, your way, my way
and i dont set you straight
you are suffering
pain, anguish, terror
and i pretend not to care
you're crying now
sad, angry tears
and i don't wipe them away
you don't understand, why i don't stop your pain
hurt, broken, upset
and i say: "it's the only way i can hurt you, the way you hurt me"

uum hopefully you like that, i wrote it at jessies house. and i figured i'd post it.
and in other news, had a rehearsal today for tournament, and we suck. very depressing. but you all still have to come see this friday!!!!!!!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
01. Green
02. Butch
03. Caitygirl

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
01. Kickdancer713
02. Gwen Skellington
03. NxDbeforeXmas

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. i think i'm okay at acting...(?)
02. my hair is like "whoa!" haha
03. my shoes are super sexified

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. i can be really selfish
02. my looks (but i dont dwell on it)
03. being pessimistic

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. Scottish
02. Native American
03. Polish

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01. guys
02. physics
03. everything.

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
01. myself
02. homophobes/racists/sexists
03. pop-punk

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
01. getting left alone
02. death of loved ones
03. "code red" (john knows what i'm talking about)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. A shower
02. food
03. drama or writing

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
01. san diego zoo tshirt
02. black/white dress rolled over like a skirt
03. dance pants

THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
01. poem i wrote
02. dice bracelet
03. mail

THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
01. wicked, in the adverb sense
02. "haha"
03. psh

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS AT THE MOMENT:
01. No Doubt
02. The b-52's
03. The Killers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
01. Flagpole Sitta (always)
02. Mr. Brightside
03. money

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
01. John
02. Steph
03. Dinah

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:
01. They make my day
02. They're weird, in an awesome way
03. They're my everything

THREE REASONS YOU'VE BROKEN UP WITH EXES: (does being broken up with count?)
01. lack of feelings
02. not seeing eachother enough
03. still wondering

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
01. connection
02. honesty, understanding
03. sex. =P haha i dont know

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: (the opposite sex in general or specifics)
01. eyes
02. smile
03. not dramatic

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
01. have good nails
02. sing
03. stay focused for very long

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
01. DRAMA
02. my friends
03. writing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
01. what i may never have
02. to not have us suck so bad in tournament
03. for my damn knuckle to stop bleeding

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
01. Actress!
02. writer/poet thing
03. uum i dont know

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
01. NYC
02. someplace tropical
03. SCOTLAND

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. have sex
02. learn to love myself
03. help as many people as i can

there beneath the blue suburban skies

2004-11-15T01:02:54Z

saturday night-sunday morning, slept over jessies house, twas some fun. and today saw the incredibles with cass and mom and it fucking rocked!
"you married elastigirl...AND GOT BUSY!!!" hahaha

aaah yes, and see i dyed my hair red:

*hugs*

ignore the world create a new one

2004-11-13T16:43:23Z

dude, tracys party last night was the best. haha, i had tons of fun! i got to see adam for the first time in forever i was uber excited to see him, but chris didnt come so i was sad cause i was looking foward to seeing them both :(. oh well. i made tracy a mix, since i am infact that cheap. i hope she likes it, but i cant be too sure. it was me, mike, adam, tia, alicia, michelle, patrick, katie, kristen and erik and obviously tracy...i think thats all. twas quite a fun night :)

uum yeah, there isnt much else to say, since my day has been pretty uneventful thus far, but i figured i'd update about the party and steal this oh so alphabetical survey from grant (who still needs to burn me that cd).

A is for age: 15
B is for booze: not gonna happen
C is for career: student/actress
D is for dad's name: Ewen Douglas, but you can call him Doug
E is for essential items to bring to a party: myself, cause it isnt a party unless i'm there ;)
F is for favorite song at the moment: flagpole sitta-harvey danger
G is for girlfriend: i am not one for anybody
H is for hometown: sleepingcar, ma (locals, think about it)
I is for instruments you have played: attempted viola in the 4th grade
J is for jam or jelly you like: i never really could tell the difference
K is for kids: maybe 2...maybe
L is for living arrangements: my mom, my dad and my sister
M is for mom's name: JoLizabeth
N is for name of your pets: mairi, coodieg, aqua, maeve, geico, aflack, arete...
O is for overnight hospital stays: nada
P is for phobia[s]: spiders, earwigs...and thats all
Q is for quote you like: "every man dies, not every man really lives"
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: 2 months, pathetic huh?
S is for sexual position: hmm i'll have to confront bettys periodical table of sex.
T is for time you wake up: 5:15 school days, whenever others
U is for unique trait: uumm...i dont really know
V is for vegetable you love: do instant mash potatoes count?
W is for worst habit: probably eating as much as i do
X is for x-rays you've had: crazy mouth ones where they squeeze your head reaaaaly hard
Y is for yummy food you make: hot pockets and taquitos baby!
Z is for zodiac sign: Cancer, yeah...i need to make a slight change in my appearance this month

alright well i will probably just sneak my way back into this entry and put what i did today in it. and possibly some pictures since the new snow is always very photogenic

*hugs*

thought of you as my mountain top, thought of you as my peak

2004-11-12T21:33:39Z

today was weird as hell. i was in the worst mood all day, like i wanted to cry or scream or something. eh, i think i'm better now. and we got monalouges assigned to us in drama, so i am excited to perform that, and tournaments in a week, and thats going to kick ass ((even if we are screwed)) umm...there isnt much else to say, but i'm psyching up for tracys birthday party!!!!!!!!

) go out with me?
() give me your number?
() have sex with me?
() let me kiss you?
() watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one?
() let me take you out to dinner?
() drive me for once cuz I always drive
() take a shower with me?
() be my bf/gf?
() have a fling with me?
() Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends?
() buy me a drink like a sobe or soda?
() take me home for the night?
() Would you let me sleep in your bed?
() Sing car karaoke w/ me?
() sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
() give me oral?
() re-post this for me to answer your questions?
() Let me give you a piggyback ride?
() Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere

do you's
1. do you think im cute?
2. do you want to kiss me?
3. do you want to cuddle wit me?
4. do you want to hook up with me?

are we's
1. are we aquintences?
2. are we friends?
3. are we hook ups?
4. are we in a relationship?
5. are we gonna have kids?

am i's
1. am i smart?
2. am i cute?
3. am i funny?
4. am i cool?
5. am i the most brilliant person ever?

have you ever?
1. have you ever thought about me?
2. have you ever thought there might be an "us"?
3. have you ever thought about hookin up with me?
4. have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
5. have you ever wished i were there?

are you's
1. are you done with this survey?
2. are you happy you know me?
3. are you mad at me?
4. are you thinkin bout me?
5. are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

*hugs*

((shut up, i know i havent done that in a lot of entries))

....and check out the new picture...hot stuff...

a comforting lie...cant last

2004-11-11T23:46:53Z

today was pretty cool. hung out with john, ryan, ethan, josh, pat and steph! (and i was very excited to see steph, cause i feel like i havent seen her in FOREVER)

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Caitlyn Elizabeth, Caity, Cait, Sexy, Butch, Doofus, Green.
Birth date: july 13th
Birth place: MA
Current Location: MA
Hair Color: brown/blonde, black and green
Righty or Lefty: Righty

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: scottish, irish, native american, spanish(?), french, canadian, ((cajun?)), dutch, polish and some other stuff
Shoes you wore today: my super sexified chucks.
Your weakness: my emotions and self esteem
Your fears: friends/family dying.
Your perfect pizza: cheese, or bacon...
Goal you'd like to achieve: my first degree black belt baby!

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase: whats up?
Your thoughts first waking up: i wanna go back to sleep
Your best physical feature: you tell me.
Your bedtime: 10 on school nights, whenever others
Your most missed memory: probably when i used to see betty more often

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's
Single or group dates: single, i think its more personal.
Adidas or Nike: ¿no idea?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton?
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate everything cept cake. vanilla cake
Cappuccino or coffee: coolata

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: nope
Cuss: yep
Single: yeah
Take a shower: nope. never. haha, yeah
Have a crush(es): ...hurts like hell
Think you've been in love: no
Want to get married: petrified of it, but yes.
Believe in yourself: not at all
Get motion sickness: dont think so
Think you're attractive: nope
Think you're a health freak: nope not at all
Get along with your parents: my mom-sorta, my dad-no.
Like thunderstorms: yesssah

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: no
Gone on a date: no
Gone to the mall: yes
been on stage: yes. Mr. BHS baby!
eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
Eaten sushi: nope
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Stolen anything: no

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: nopers
Been caught "doing something": no
Been called a tease: nope
Gotten beaten up: weekly =P

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: i guess by the time i'm like 27...?
Number of Children: 2, at the most
Describe your dream wedding: i really dont know yet
How do you want to die: peaceful
What do you want to be when you grow up: act!
What country would you most like to visit: SCOTLAND!

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY
Best eye color?: anything
Best hair color?: anything
Short or long hair: medium-long. shorts okay sometimes
Height: taller than me, which doesnt say much =P
Best first date location: dont matter
first kiss location: doesnt matter
my "fantasy places" : can we say sketchy?

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I could trust with my life: like really trust? two.
Number of CD's I own: i think 67
Number of piercings: 2, 1 on each ear
Number of tattoos: none
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: dont know, a couple?
Number of scars on my body: i must say, that has got to be the lamest question. ever. its like "hey, you a cutter?!", i always find those ones pathetic.

oh shit. my mom found out about something today. i'm not gonna say, what. cause thats honestly none of your business. and those of you who know, are smart enough to figure out what it is i'm talking about.
holy shit, holy shit, holy fucking shit

i'm not how i used to be

2004-11-10T00:01:59Z

ever wake up in the morning, and just know that you suck?

today was one of those days.

i woke up and the first thought that entered my mind was; "caity. you suck" no joke. happens alot, for me anyways. so today has been really weird, cause i didnt wanna act all down and mopey, cause that wouldve just made people ask whats wrong, and theres no point in that.

itd all be a little easier, if i actually didnt suck. but you know what? i do. fanfuckingtastic.

in lighter new, i took some pictures of Collen and Taylor today, since collen is the shiz and Taylor is our newest, but screaams way too much.

(the side affects of cold medicine)

(oh how i wish i could adopt him!)

(a few seconds of Taylor...not screaming)

you always seem to put me in a better mood

blackbird has spoken

2004-11-07T21:30:14Z

here's a survey i stole from mike cause i was BORED...and it actually didnt help
|{STARTERS}|
date: November 7, 2004
time: 4:16 pm
name: Caity
age: 15
birthday: July 13th, 1989
school: A High School

|{BASIC}|
eyes: Blue
hair: Brown-blonde/black/green
height: 5'2"
shoe size: 6
who lives with you? Parents, sister
when is your bedtime? Whenever im tired on weekends, 10 on schoolnights

|{HAVE YOU EVER...}|
flown on a plane? yeahhuh
been so drunk you passed out? Nope
missed school because it was raining? yeah, it flooded
told your crush you liked them? yeh
set a body part on fire for amusement? no
had a crush on a friend's girlfriend/boyfriend? no
been hurt emotionally? who hasnt?
kept a secret from everyone? yeah
wanted to hook up with a friend? yessir
cried during a movie? what can i say, i'm a sap.
been on stage? yeah
cut your hair? not myself
had a crush on a teacher? nope

|{FAVORITE}|
shampoo: pert plus! haha carolyn
color: dark purple
time of day: night
season: Fall/Summer
lace or satin? Satin.
movie: The Nightmare Before Christmas
drink: Dr. Pepper
person to talk to face-to-face: John or Carolyn
person to talk to on the phone: John

|{RIGHT NOW}|
wearing: jeans, pink floyd tshirt, no doubt sweatshirt, chucks
eating: last i had chinese
drinking: just finished a ginger ale

|{IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU...}|
cried? no
worn jeans? i am right now
driven a car? Nope
found money? yes. (10 bucks!)
met somebody new? Yeah, some people in a chat Tracy started
done laundry? nopers
talked on the phone? uh-uh.

|{DO YOU BELIEVE IN...}|
yourself? nope
your friends? more than anything.
santa claus? well, he was real...once.
the tooth fairy? oh if only such things were real
destiny/fate? at times
angels? i suppose
ghosts? you know it
UFOs? UFO! haha mia/josh
reincarnation? Yeah yeah.

|{OPINIONS}|
capital punishment: hmm?
abortion: i'm pro-choice, its her body. leave her alone about it
gay marriage: i'm a logical homophobeaphobe, so of course i'm for it
stem cell research: sure
war: it can be dumb and it can be smart...
masturbation: no youll go blind!!! haha, no i dont really care
premarital sex: yeah, just no promiscuis sex for me.

|{FRIENDS AND LIFE}|
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? nope
Do you like anyone? Yeah
Which friend have you known the longest? Brittany R
Which of your friends acts the most like you? CAROLYN!
Who do you hang out with the most? John&co., Tracy&co. and Pallavi&co.
Who do you go to for stuff? Carolyn, mainly. sometimes tracy, emily s and molly and pallavi.
What's the worst feeling? your hopes crashing down
Do you ever wish you had a different name? Michaela Suzanne

|{DO YOU...}|
Keep a diary? i have this...and my writers notebook
Fold your underwear? nope just stuff it in my drawer
Bite your fingernails? nope
Like to cook? instant cookies and pancakes!
Talk in your sleep? yes, i do.
Set your watch a few minutes ahead? No
Wish you could live somewhere else? yes, at times.
Drink? No.
Do drugs? Nope.
Smoke? No.
Like cleaning? no.
Like rollercoasters? they are okay
Write in cursive or print? Both.

|{LAST...}|
Movie you saw in theatres? open water?
Movie you rented? cant remember
Movie you bought? Cold Mountain
Song you listened to? Cat Stevens-Morning has broken
Song that was stuck in your head? dont remember
Song you downloaded? uuum
CD you bought? VAST.
CD you listened to? a mix
TV show you watched? uuum
Person you called? Molly.
Person that called you? Molly
Person you were thinking of? *zips her lip*.

|{HAVE YOU EVER...}|
cried over a guy/girl? a couple times
lied to somebody? yeah :\
been in a fist fight? its my life
been arrested? kicked out of the mall
been in the paper? yeah
stolen something? nope
played a game that required removal of clothing? nope.
applied to be on a reality show? nope
fallen down the stairs? yes.
fallen UP the stairs? YES!!!!
gotten locked into a public building? nopers
caused a riot? all the time baby =P

|{END}|
Are you glad this is over? sure
What time is it? 4:33pm
Is it still the same day? Yeah

my life right now is just...wow...thats all i can say...wow...
why cant things ever be simple?

you know i'm thinking of you

2004-11-06T20:48:08Z

last night from like 4:30-5:30 i hung out with molly at the library/highschool. and for the last 15 minutes or so, Aran was there, he's so nice. then i went to the mall, and found tracy, mike and this new kid jonathan, who was really friendly. and we ended up walking over to wendys (yuck) i hate going over there, cause its always a bunch of people i dont know like at all, and even though they're fairly nice, i just feel awkward. so then jonathan decided to walk back to the mall, and obviously i went with him. there i found jessie and her friend jackie (who was super duper cool) and we ended up getting kicked outta the mall for like 20 minutes, cause some jackass kids were being all dumb next to us and the security cops thought we were with them. then i texted/called molly who was with jaime, sarah and lacey. so they talked to the mall cops and got us back into the mall. so it ended up being me, jessie, jackie and all of them for a while and i had such a good time. tracy was mainly hanging out with mike, so i didnt see her much. (she made all these new friends, and now shes never around, but oh well).

after jessie and jackie went home. i walked around with molly, jaime, lacey, brittany and lizzy for a while. and ended up sorta getting seperated from everyone and just walking around talking to jaime. and it was probably one of the best conversations i've had in my life, especially since i never really knew her before then. i felt like i could open up to her, without being whiny, and she did the same thing back, but it never once felt like we we're complaining, just talking. it was just one of those conversations, that you remember.

i wrote this last night, on the piece of paper jessie gave me, it's sorta like my last poem (well not really) with the whole autumn thing.

walking around, thinking to himself
he sees the leaves soaked into the ground
and he finally knows his four ways to help
red, yellow, orange, brown
The wind blows the leaves
through the scattered light
and finally he believes
there is hope, for his shattered life
each leaf cracked and tinted gray
no matter how stepped on, or how dead
is still wonderous in its own way
finally he understands, what she meant
when she said:
"you are beautiful, even on your worst day"

and today i served tea at the church, and my feet killed! but i was good practice for when i plan to waitress, once i turn 16 that is.

i really have no idea, where things are gonna end up, if history will repeat or not. i just try not to think about it, cause thinking about it hurts like hell